Soft parents aren’t doing their children any favors. That is
something I feel very strong about. I realize that there is now a growing
movement of parents out there in Canada, America, Japan, etc., who no longer
feel it is right to harshly or even mildly set boundaries for or discipline
their children. I realize that parents who feel their children should be free
to develop any way they want and explore the world as they, the children, see
fit, but I think that’s not the best approach.
That is my opinion and I’m sticking to it. That is my opinion and I am passionate
about it.
As someone who has been teaching for more than eleven years
and a homeroom teacher for five of those years, I really wish parents would
help me out. I wish they would help me out as a teacher. I wish parents around
the world would help all teachers out. Throw us a bone! Give us a break. How?
By instilling some amount of discipline in your child. I am not suggesting
being authoritarian or cruel. I am not asking you to emulate a Marine drill sergeant,
but please teach your children what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t.
Please teach your children that there are boundaries in the world and often, if
we push those boundaries, there may be consequences. Please teach your kids
simple things like table manners, how to share with others and say, “thank
you.”
You may think I sound silly asking parents to teach such
basic rules of living to their little ones, but so many are not in 2012. I see
children every day who have no idea even how to be polite or have no clue that
there are such things as boundaries.
I can really only speak for things here in Japan, but am
told by many that the situation is similar back in my home country of Canada.
Things seem to start at a very young age, parents simply
letting their kids have the run of the show. They love their little kings and
queens and feel they are harming them or denying them what they deserve if they
say, “No.” Little kids running amuck while parents stand back watching them
sheepishly or not at all.
A school I worked at would organize family field trips twice
a year. Parents would bring their children and teachers would escort them and
lead various activities. I would always warn new teachers to be extra vigilant.
Although parents were directly told many times that they were, not teachers,
responsible for watching their own children, many if not most didn’t. It became
a social outing for them and many of the mothers would just gather around,
chat, giggle and not watch their kids. Teachers had to work over time chasing
around kids and shocked to have a peek into the world of “non discipline” their
students were used to.
Even now, as a teacher and a parent, I am so stunned, but at
the same time cynically accepting when I see groups of mothers standing around
chatting at a playground or on their smart phones as their children run around
wildly, playing behind or under parked cars and hurting other children
unchecked.
Being soft doesn’t work folks. When you allow your kids to
do whatever it is they want, you are sending them all the wrong messages. You
are instilling them with a sense of false entitlement. Many kids who were
spoiled in an environment with no discipline tend to become those students
teachers find all too painful too teach; kids who come to school having no
concept of rules. Kids who feel they should get whatever they want, whenever
they want it.
I suppose they will grow up to be the sort of people who
feel they are entitled to starting salaries of $70, 000 a year walking out of
university. That’s not a good thing.
This is a rather ranty post, but that’s ok. I feel strong
about the topic and it irks me on a daily basis when I watch people not watch
their kids out on the playground. It irks me when I see parents allow their
kids to run through a restaurant wildly and say nothing while other diners are
being bothered. I get irked when I meet parents who have never taught their
children basic life skills and then turn around and get angry with teachers
because their child is behind others.
People, get it together, in the long run, your kids will be
stronger for it and be more successful as students and young people.
I’m not suggesting being a “hard ass” or whacking your kids
around. Too much discipline and too many rules can often be just as detrimental
as none at all. I suppose that can at times even be worse.
Parents, be firm with your kids. You are the adults, the
caregivers and ultimately the bosses of the relationship. You have a big
responsibility. Your job is to get your little one ready for the real world
once they leave the nest. Teaching your kids how the real world really works,
in a kind and thoughtful way is a good thing. Teaching them that they are the
kings and queens of the world, maybe not such a great thing.
My message to folks out there, and you may disagree (but
that’s ok cause this is my platform), is to simply do a few things:
1. Teach your children to respect adults.
2. Teach your kids to respect
teachers.
3. Respect teachers yourself (they know more about
children than you do).
4. Teach your kids rules
and set consequences if they break those rules.
5. Stick to number 4.
6. Teach your children to share.
7. Teach your children to work hard.
8. Watch your children and keep them safe.
9. Take the advice of teachers. They aren’t attacking you or
your child when they address issues. They want to
help you and your child.
10. Love your kids.
You can follow my other rants on Twitter: @jlandkev
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