Sunday, January 29, 2012

10 Things I Hate About Japan

Before you get yourself all worked up in a lather thinking another "complainer foreigner" is getting down on Japan, I want to STOP you! This is a tongue and cheek post. I like Japan a lot and am just having a little fun as I lay in bed, sick as a dog. Why not write a short little blog post on my iPhone as I hack and wheeze my brains out?



So, here we go. 10 things about Japan that drive me nuts!

1. Mini Food: Food portions at restaurants are too damn small! How am I supposed to be a stereotypical "fat cat" foreigner if servings at restaurants are all under 1000 calories? Get it together folks. I want massive amounts of greasy food everywhere I go. I am a Canadian after all!

2. Speaking Japanese: What's with everyone speaking Japanese everywhere I go? Come on people. Get with the program! English is the international language of commerce. Why isn't everyone speaking it here in Japan? I mean do you really expect me to learn some
Japanese if I live here in Japan? You gotta be kidding me?

3. Heated toilet seats! That's just by as fun as the shock when you sit on a cold toilet seat in the middle of a freezing winter's night. Toughen up people and lets get back to the cold toilet seats that once dominated the fecal landscape!

4. Lack of bland food! I'm from the East Coast of Canada and if it ain't boiled potatoes and boiled steak then it's just crap. Japanese food is delicious an chalked full of so many flavors. It's not fair. I want my food hard to chew and lacking taste!

5. Beautiful women everywhere: For the love of God, what's with all the hot women everywhere here in Japan? Don't they know they keep distracting me and causing me to lose my train of thought in mid.....

6. Cosplay! I hate Cosplay. How dare you take a bunch if young women, make them dress up in revealing fantasy type costumes and have them prance around in public! It's just cruel of you Japan.


7. Earthquakes! Ok....no humor here. I really do hate them.

8. CC Lemon: A pop so delicious I want to drink it all the time. If I did drink it as much as I want to, all of my teeth would rot and fall out. I would only have Japan to blame. They created this beverage and would be responsible for Kevin's dentures at an early age.


9. Did I mention all of the beautiful women?

10. Interesting lifestyles: The final thing I hate about Japan is that it's given me an interesting and exciting life. I was really counting on a boring and mundane existence, but oh no...oh no Japan!


Nuff said...


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13 comments:

Wolf Haven said...

I hate all of those things about Japan too, that's why I'm totally going to try and go there again next summer, so I can "complain" about there being hot females everywhere and whatnot.

*Also I didn't experience an earthquake while I was there, but I was here for that random one we felt in NY*

MyTwoYen said...

You forgot about all the beautiful women!

reynoldsair said...

Awesome post, man. The gorgeous women everywhere are really only a problem if you're shy or ...married and keeping to your vows. haha.

Blue Shoe said...

Heh heh...as to #4, I dunno...plenty of bland, tasteless rice-based stuff out there. Ever had fresh mochi?

Blue Shoe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AdamB said...

Great post. While CC Lemon is great, I cannot say the same for Pocari Sweat.

For me, I never realized how good living in Japan/Kobe was until I moved back to Australia.

Kevin O said...

@MyTwoYen ....did I mention beautiful women?

Kevin O said...

@reynoldsair .....but the beautiful women keep making me forget to.......

Cdn Cat said...

Love these! I remember losing a mitten shortly after moving back to Canada somewhere in a parking lot. I thought to myself... "Now if I were in Japan that mitten would be hanging on the fence now right out in the open" Returning later to my car, there was my mitten, hanging on the fence waiting to be reclaimed by its rightful owner.
Made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside just like a japanese mitten!

SwankyStreet said...

Oh man, THE WOMEN I lov.....I mean hate LOL

Draz said...

Well to be totally honest I really do hate heated toilet seats... hygienic reasons people. The heat isn't 60+ Celsius meaning bacteria are easy to thrive on it. I know cold seats aren't cold enough to kill them but at least it slows down fungal, bacterial and viral growth on them.

But dam all those women I can't even go outside without having to stare. Makes me feel creepy.

Kmix said...

"Speaking English"?! Yeah...just in case you didn't notice it's called "Japan" because the people there speak Japanese...if you don't like it you don't have to go...or learn some Japanese arrogant jerks.

MZoleikha said...

I'm Japanese but I hate my country and most of Japanese. I do speak english, but most of Japanese can't speak english. So you should learn some Japanese if you want to travel,live in Japan.